everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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