he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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