I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
