no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
