I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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