I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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