Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
