there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
