I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Green mimosas i think yes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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