It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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