They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
