What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
