i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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