I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
