All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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