She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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