Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
