You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
