I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize