he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
