You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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