white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
