Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize