Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
