Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
