I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
