Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
