I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
