Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
