You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
