she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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