I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
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The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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