if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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