Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
