when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if only i could text you this smell
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
