Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Two words: blizzard sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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