does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
