I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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