Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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