he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
