i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
