I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
