It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize