Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
