I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
