My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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