Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
