you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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