they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
