CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
