Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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