we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
being pregnant is like rehab
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
