Swine flu. Run for my life!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
