Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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