well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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