Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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