I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
my poor anus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
