so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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