I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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