I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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