Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
