i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
