Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
