Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
