i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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