thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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