There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
