I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
