the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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