literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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