At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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