this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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