All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
